negative-xp's blog

By negative-xp, 6 weeks ago, In English

I am desensitised to books and video games and need some copium

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6 weeks ago, # |
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Art

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Swimming, piano, drawing. Yep I am unemployed

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    5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    how long have you been playing the piano??

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Sleeping.😴

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driving

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    6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    I am terrified of driving vehicles ever since I realized that I might have to drive one someday. I imagine myself driving a vehicle while thinking how easy it would be to spin the wheel like a maniac or forget to use the brakes or close my eyes for a second or forget to look in the rear view mirror or leave my foot on the accelerator for just a little too long and barely notice everything end in an instant. One might say that all of life is like that, but I really struggle to think of any other activity that humans regularly engage in where a momentary lapse of attention or perhaps even willful playful negligence translates to instantaneous death. Further, my brain is primed for video game behavior and even now I know that I would constantly think about how much fun crashing the car would be, and constantly fighting the temptation while focusing on actually driving the thing would make me go insane, assuming I didn't give in to the urges and actually crash it.

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      6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      there are two types of replies

      One might say that all of life is like that

      I think that life is like this more than you realize. There is a risk in everything. To cope with this, maybe try to believe that God has set death dates for all of us, so you can recklessly drive as much as you want, but you won't die until your time arrives.

      Anyway, driving isn't even so dangerous, cuz most people are competent. The one accident I had was two years ago when this woman ran into me. The accident felt like an earthquake in my car, and my hot chocolate went everywhere. But neither of us were harmed.

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      Maybe you should seek a psychiatrist's help.

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      I imagine myself driving a vehicle while thinking how easy it would be to spin the wheel like a maniac or forget to use the brakes or close my eyes for a second or forget to look in the rear view mirror or leave my foot on the accelerator for just a little too long and barely notice everything end in an instant.
      even now I know that I would constantly think about how much fun crashing the car would be, and constantly fighting the temptation while focusing on actually driving the thing would make me go insane

      In fact, you can observe that, in every important event that you are the main character (like sing/speech) you will find you cannot stop thinking about this (at least, for me?). in fact, you always survive those events(otherwise you cannot post anymore). I think driving is actually same, I think you will feel better if you sudden realize that, you never did any of those imaginary mistakes.

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        5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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        I don't think I care about whether or not I actually make the "imaginary mistake" (in this case, die). I just don't want to deal with the discomfort/anxiety induced in me from having to regularly engage in an activity with such a high gradient of "result" to "action/inaction". I don't know if most people are okay with such activities because they have just internalized them, or if they actually consciously acknowledge the gradient and are okay with it.

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          5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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          wait, I realize that I start have the same feelings now, since I never thought deeply that how those imaginary pressures disappears, but always push this question to the magic of time.
          anyways. a

          ultimate solution:
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          4 weeks ago, # ^ |
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          Hey, I went through similar issues and these videos have helped me over the past year. Just wanted to share them as I think they are very relevant to your problem.

          https://youtu.be/-3FrPQv29iA?si=IiPClEz3LpZrmlyn

          https://www.youtube.com/live/1GSUG_B-new?t=3322&si=iQGEdY41pwXbmELJ

          https://www.youtube.com/live/rgivGzjZixM?t=1698&si=dxplvXCCEq-mVoUa

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          4 weeks ago, # ^ |
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          In the beginning, yes, you will be thinking about it all the time. But after a couple months of practice, driving becomes second nature . It took me a long time to reach that level but one day I drove for a couple hours while conversing with others in the car without even actively focused on the road, and that's when I realised — after a while you just know your car and the road, and your brain automatically responds to minor disruptions in the road.

          All I'm saying it, like everything else in life, it gets much easier with practice!

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    6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    oh the IQ guy is candidate master now, congrats

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music, chatting

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skibidi toilets

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breathing, wrestling with my brother, anime

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Formula 1, competitive maths, hanging out with my gf, cs2 with my best friend

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    6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    where do you practice/learn competitive math?

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      6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      there is a place called mathdash.com

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        Thanks

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          5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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          stuck at blue again?

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            5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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            wouldnt really consider 2 months of being at blue stuck, but sure i guess

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              5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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              Just a small heads up about that guy, he only wants attention so if you engage him, he will keep coming back. Just letting you know.

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      I mostly practice from previous competitions. Also, this has some nice materials (in Serbian). In english, you have AOPS. I also occasionally practice from some books, PM me if you want me to send them.

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getting a job that does not exploit me for pennies:), prolly geopolitics too!

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I occasionally engage in consuming copious amounts of coffee.

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Piano, classical guitar, volleyball and table tennis

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Playing video games,football,volleyball,chess or sometimes watching some animes.But not reading books.Reading books is so boring for me.

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gym,travelling

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blackjack for life

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Orienteering is extremely cool. You can have fun at both beginner level and if you decide to improve the skills and run advanced races.

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Systems programming!

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Go hiking in the mountains :)

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reading and web programming

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drunk driving

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Physics + Football + Cricket

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im an avid runner! anyone else on cf who likes to run?

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Just solving problems on online judges. Because that is not contest like codeforces, I think it's not a sport programming.

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chess

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murder , kidnapping people , drag dealling

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Anime and Eating

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currently i enjoy finding job,cause i dont wanted to remain unemplyed after graduation as i am graduating in 06-2025

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Shadow boxing

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I am a part of fire department, and it is cool

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I run 5-15 km every day, participate in amateur races, marathons

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professional procrastinating

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Who said I enjoy sport programming?

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E-scooters

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finding a girlfriend (impossible)

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speedsolving rubik's cubes. I became sub-10s on the 3x3 last year (currently ~12s avg because I don't practice as much anymore) and under 1 min blind solve as well :D

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    6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    I used to seriously practice when I was 12 or 13, PB on 3x3 was 13.7 iirc

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    6 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    sub-10s pb is a solid result. I also had such a goal but my best is 10.1 or something.

    Do you use only f2l,oll,pll or more advanced stuff too (oll+pll combined, i forgot naming)?

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      I just use CFOP, had best ao100 sub10s, and a PB of 6.7s.

      You're prolly referring to ZBLL which has like 800+ algs. There is no way I'm ever learning that. At one time I learned the COLL sets (except sune and anti-sune), ended up forgetting them after a few weeks of not practicing :P

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Stardew valley

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LSD and working out

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Running ultramarathons!

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Running, Piano, Go/Weiqi/Baduk

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    5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    what's your rating on online-go.com ?

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      Should be somewhere around 2kyu-4kyu, last months I've not been playing online but have been playing in person at local Go clubs.

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calisthenics

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Read books

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Badminton, books, cubing, anime

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Get a bike and gather some friends and just bike around (its more effective if you bike outside a city but thats not always so easy)

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Drinking water.

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eating

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genshin

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Heroes of Might and Magic $$$n$$$ ($$$1 \le n \le 4$$$)

Most often, HotA

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football, badminton and also learning drums

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currently I enjoy drawing manga panels inspired art and playing osu

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Riding a 400 like its a litre bike. Playing metal (lamb of god riffs). CS2. Powerlifting.

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I love consuming Art in any form: movies, TV Shows, Anime, Comic Books, Music, etc. of various languages and cultures. I think our species' ability to produce art is probably our finest trait, and I attribute a good chunk of my happiness to it. Sport Programming is a close second place!

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spreading managed democracy.

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competitive math (mathdash)

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can you tell me what game do you play that I can treat it as a copium?

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I fry chicken

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math

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mario kart wii, it's finally possible to play online without a wii or an original disc

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Watching outdoor boys youtube channel

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    5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    ok wtf this is an uncannily similar interest, i often watch it while eating

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      I usually watched it whenever I got sudden stress. Watching his videos somehow comforts me. I could watch him for hours and not feel bored :D.

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watching anime xD

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Gambling

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    tried it at some point of time (with csgo skins), never understood the appeal

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      5 weeks ago, # ^ |
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      If you were to put money on a match then you'd now be really interested in that match.

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music(singing), Playing Cricket

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xans

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i love to play chess(2180 highest rating), and touch some grass with my imaginary gf

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Breathing

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riding horses, gym, diving , traveling , reading scientific books , photography

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The comments made me realize that I literally have no life lol

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Pure math Topics like functional/real analysis, measure theory and high dimensional probability

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I am a certified escape room freak (720 played)

I also very much like playing video games (around 4k hours on Steam in total)

Board games are also great, but I wish I had more opportunities to play them.

I also like solving WPC-style puzzles

Aaand playing racket sports (badminton, table tennis, tennis), but quite rare sadly

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Walking alone at night wearing iPods & pretending iam talking to someone on phone while I talk with myself

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Terrorist

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LEARNING CHINESE 汉语!

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Me and Wansur love playing Brawl Stars

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Reading books, some sports like running, gym, ping-pong I'm trying to learn to play guitar too

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Cooking, teaching and non-sport programming

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I learn languages

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sex with women

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Chess

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if outside: read books at a cafe, observe the streets, people watching...

else: play various of games, esp. visual novel type (reading focus game)

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Football

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elden ring for games stormlight archive for books currently

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running a campaign — stop penis size shaming -

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clash royale, wattpad and poker

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gym

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I enjoy playing videogames, making love, sleeping, zen meditation, spending time with family. The only thing I don’t enjoy is sports programming

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Studying and gaming

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gyming is my second lover

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imagining that im doing cp when im not doing it

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Running

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Try new hobbies—nature, music, art—fresh starts revive joy!

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Mahjong. The best board game with random. You can grind just like programming, there are ratings, books, tournaments. Recommend to everyone here, the interest in programming is a positive factor.

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Skiing, playing video games, driving

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biking is super fun

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Go to the GYM

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Practicing ML, Watching good underrated movies

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    4 weeks ago, # ^ |
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    Could you advise some movies you found underrated?

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Being Alive !!!!!!

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Competition math

Also basketball ig

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Lifting weights and playing basketball.

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I like to read stories

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I like reading books, playing/ watching football, and cycling at high speed on the roads with no traffic.

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Watching others become successful and self-blame myself for being not that successful ;-;